You mean you do that?
I came across this blog the other day - and it really hit home. Some mothers do that. They take time for themselves. Consider my eyes wide open folks. I felt like I could have written the post myself…she channelled my exhausted spirit like Whoppi Goldburg in the movie GHOST! (cue: pottery scene). I hope to one day thank this brilliant woman!
I am jealous. Not of the pottery scene (ok, maybe just a bit, lets be thankful it wasn’t Channing Tatum shall we). I am jealous of the mothers I know and see that are able to actually think of themselves! I am blessed to have many of these women in my life. I often feel like I look at them going about their lives and follow them around (usually via social media, I’m not actually creepy) like a lost puppy admiring their workouts, their guilt free quickie dinners, their trips to the salon, or *gasp* girls night out - and think “wow - they are so awesome, but I can’t ever seem to do that”. I have no judgement towards these awesome women - just envy.
I am one of those women - even though I am not sure how it happened - that is an over-giver, probably like 90% of the female population. A giver that has turned bitter, and bitchy trying to make everyone else feel loved and provided for, which has left me depleted. WHOOPS. Its a hard truth to swallow that my exhaustion is my OWN fault. Man, isn’t it so much easier to blame others?
Its not that I am unhappy. I have a lovely family - but a family I all too readily do everything for, even my husband has become reliant on me for so much more than when we first got married. Its not his fault - its mine. Even my three year old is trained to drop something, then come and find me and ask me to pick it up for him. WOW. Time for a change.
Why is it so hard for some of us to set boundaries and stick to them. If I am being totally honest - I have a hard time letting go. Oh fine. I’m a control freak. I make it hard for others to help me. The saying goes “treat others you they want you want to be treated” but I think there might be a flaw with that plan. By over-giving I have stopped letting people know how I would like to be treated. For instance - my husband would never think twice about needing to sleep when he is sick - for me it doesn’t even occur to me that I should let the family fend for themselves and rest when I am sick - which is ironic. No rest, no me-time means I will be sick more often. This doesn’t make me the better parent - it makes me the silly one. What am I teaching my children? Its not self care thats for sure! Like her blog post said - the more I did, the more of an inconvenience I became. But I’m DOING IT TO MYSELF. Even when my husband offers to “cover me” for a covert nap or rest period (usually after I am a crying hot mess) I won’t let him do it - or I can’t actually accomplish it. The guilt my friends is like sand in your bathing suit…..an irritating nuisance.
Induge me here.
I have this great friend Jo. She and I have always been so so different - but thats why we make such great friends. This girl is beyond fun, talented, brilliant - and SHE TAKES TIME FOR HERSELF. Mystical unicorn that rides on rainbows? Nope - she is just a wise wise lady. She has 4 children 5 and under (twins y’all, yeah, like I said superwoman) and a great relationship with her husband. The craziest part? She says things like “I knew that I needed to do something for myself” or posts pics of her salon trip after the twins were born not in guilt that she went out - but in the pride of one with truly fantastic hair! This woman, devoted mother and wife has so much going on (read about it all on her incredible blog) but always seems to know when she needs to self love a bit. I wish she would write a guide for pooped mamas (hint hint Jo ;). I have long admired her ability to care for herself and to recognize when it needs to happen. Like I said - she’s just awesome.
So I will try to take a breath - schedule in some time for myself. And if the mommy guilt (the stealth bugger that it is) starts creeping in, I will stay strong, and try again. I am human and this is a lifelong habit I am going to have to change here people. I am also going to talk to my amazing husband (who will totally be on board, cause he always is my biggest supporter) and my kids (who will be devastated but will learn the importance of having their mom gain her sanity back) and recruit them. Heck - I might as well start a IG / FB / Twitter campaign about my me-time shenanigans to ensure it actually happens!! Who is with me?
This is going to happen people. I will start now. I am eager to start my new challenge to myself…..right now. This is my #metime for today. Leaving the house and working at the Library (my favourite spot to write). I even snuck in a decaf almond milk latte! Share your pictures and stories with your daily #metime! This could be the start of something beautiful. I really hope my “metime” isn’t always so glamorous - but I have to start somewhere. I would love to hear any suggestions and tips you have for my daily “metime” challenge. Now to brainstorm what to do for myself tomorrow….hmmm…..